Author: Hanna Gilley

Ask the Experts: COVID-19 Isolation

This article originally appeared in Macaroni Kid on January 20, 2021, by Luanne Starr Rhoades, LCPC, LADC, CCS; Health Affiliates Maine.  

Question: I am a new mom and COVID has been very difficult. My husband works out of the home and I feel very isolated. We are not seeing my parents right now even though they live close because they are high risk. I so appreciate Macaroni Kid as a resource but am missing in-person events and the ability to mingle with other moms. Can you share ideas for trying to stay connected and beat the heavy feeling of isolation? I am particularly worried with winter here that it will just get worse.

Answer: I can just imagine how badly you are missing in-person events and the ability to mingle with family and other moms. You are missing the fun of showing off your new baby to the world, and especially enjoying seeing your parents with their grandchild. This pandemic has really emphasized for all of us what really matters and the things we took for granted. New parenting should be a well-supported endeavor, and it’s not meant to be done alone.  

There are many things to do to take care of a new baby. I am going to add one more important job to your list and that is to take care of yourself. This is so important when you are feeling isolated. You will have to work to stay connected and fight the feelings of sadness that can often do just the reverse—cause you to withdraw.  

Not knowing your parents’ conditions, I am not sure if this can apply to your circumstance, but as long as you wear a mask and stay six feet apart, there are some activities you can do together. Outdoor activities are best. 

Here are a few ways to stay connected with loved ones, other parents, and your community: 

  • Bundle up the baby for brief porch visits. Let folks know you are coming so they can bundle up, too!
  • Try “car talk.” Park next to each other in opposite directions and talk for as long as you can handle the open window temperatures. Enjoy a hot drink while you chat.
  • Text pictures of the little one daily to your parents and in-laws. They will love it since they are probably feeling isolated and alone, too. Everyone will feel more engaged. 
  • Should baby nap long enough, bake something for your parents and make a delivery so they can get a quick peek at the little one.
  • There are many online groups. Try one on Facebook specifically for those who welcomed a baby during COVID called “COVID-19 Baby Parents Group.” These types of groups are just a chat forum to support one another and share ideas and resources.
  • Make sure you are letting your husband know how isolated you feel. He may be doing it already, but if not, ask that your husband check in on you during his work breaks.
  • Make a list of those friends and family for whom you can have regular contact whether by phone, Skype, Facetime, email, or car talk. Ask them for regular virtual or phone visits. Most importantly, let them know how you are feeling. You will find others feel as you do. 
  • Don’t let cold weather keep you from attending outdoor events. Most town recreation centers have developed “safe” family or kid activities to do which can connect and get families out of the house. Some are ongoing weekly events like skating, snowshoeing, or winter walks. One mom told me that she has enjoyed this so much. She bundles up her daughter and puts her in the sled at the event. It is a great place to meet other moms. The fresh, cool air can invigorate both mom and baby, giving you energy.
  • Some local farms are allowing families to visit the animals in the barns. Call ahead and ask. The sights, sounds, and smells of the working farm can make for a wonderful adventure.
  • Reach out to other new moms you may know. Share with them how you are feeling.  
  • Think of someone in your circle of acquaintances who might also be feeling isolated. In helping others, we often help ourselves.
  • Connect to a counselor via teletherapy. Most insurances will pay for this. There are many uncertainties in being a new mom even in times when accessing regular supports is easy. It is common for new parents to experience stress, anxiety, and some experience postpartum depression. The challenges of new parenting are emphasized during a pandemic. Asking for help is the act of a healthy person. 

Stay hopeful! Try something on this list each day. Dwell on thoughts when the pandemic will end and of all things you will want to do and explore with your child. Do not hesitate to reach out for help. We will get through this.

 

Luanne Starr Rhoades, LCPC, LADC, CCS is a professional counselor and the Outpatient Therapy Director at Health Affiliates Maine.

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New Year, New Mindset

Have you found yourself at the beginning of a new year with good intentions and hefty resolutions, but ended up falling off track? We’ve all been there! Although it can seem discouraging, it is possible to make changes for the better. By having a growth mindset, you know that with time and effort you can stay on track with your goals and grow mentally and emotionally. Use these simple affirmations to start 2021 off confidently.

I failed vs. I learn from my mistakes. When we change the narrative from failure to growth, we’re more receptive to learning from our mistakes rather than fearing making them in the first place.

I can do it alone vs. I ask for help when I need it. There is a difference between independence and being self-sufficient and knowing when you need support. The key is learning when and to whom you should ask for help.

I’m not as good/successful/purposeful as they are vs. I focus on my own progress. Comparison has its place, but it can also be very dangerous to your mental health and your personal growth. When you focus on your progress, you learn more about yourself and what you need and want in your journey.

I’m not smart enough for that vs. I can do hard things. Strong, confident, and mentally healthy people know that a challenge can be a good thing. When you overcome difficult situations, you become more confident and resilient—and ready for the next challenge.

I’ll never understand it vs. I haven’t figured it out yet. When we have limiting thoughts, we are indeed limiting ourselves. It’s okay if something is taking you time to figure out or work through. Life is full of those situations! Giving yourself the empathy and understanding that certain things take time to work through will be beneficial in your growth.

I’m just not meant for this vs. I am on the right track. When you focus on yourself, learn from mistakes, and give yourself time to work through things, you’ll come to know yourself better on a deeper level. Your intuition is powerful and can guide you through many of life’s uncertainties especially if you’re equipped to learn to listen to it. It’s just as important to realize when you’re not on the right track and to change course until you know that you are.

It’s important to recognize that the way you communicate with yourself is just as important as the rest of your emotional and mental health. With societal pressures, family pressures, and internal pressures, it’s crucial that we heal the relationship we have with ourselves in order for us to truly progress and thrive.

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Ask the Experts: Mom Seeks Help Preparing for Children’s Questions

This article originally appeared in Macaroni Kid on December 17, 2020, by Luanne Starr Rhoades, LCPC, LADC, CCS; Health Affiliates Maine.  

Question: I am a bi-sexual woman married to a woman. My daughter will be starting school next year and we hope to do some preschool programs this year if possible. My daughter has a biological dad she doesn’t see often. I know questions will arise for her during the school years on having two moms. My wife and I have open conversations with our daughter and want to help prepare her for questions and how she can best handle them. Do you have suggestions on where to start?

Answer: It is so good that you are thinking ahead to help your daughter with complicated moments. We can’t be there all the time, but sometimes we can give our children tools to help them navigate. 

Like all the kinds of diversity that she will experience, your family situation of having two moms sets her apart. Diversity is about differences. The place to start is by helping her embrace all the beauty of diversity, the positive benefits diversity brings to our world. Has she tried foods like Chinese, Thai, or Italian? Does she know anyone whose family immigrated to our country? Does she have questions about how Somali women dress? Does she have questions about disabled (I like “otherly-abled”) people? Talking openly about these groups as well as gay and lesbian families will provide comfort, confidence, and information when these subjects come up at school.

Here is an example of just one of the many conversations to broaden her world of acceptance. When you enter a store together with automatic doors, explain that the doors were made that way so someone using a wheelchair can roll in easily and that the slopes at the end of a sidewalk mean everyone can get around easily. This normalizes these differences and shows how everyone is important. 

Having toys and books that celebrate differences, including having two moms, can be helpful and can provide opportunities for larger conversations. I’ve included some examples and urge you to explore the many fine options:

  • Matching Game: I Never Forget a Face by the EEBOO Corporation
  • Crayons: People Color Crayons by Lake Shore Learning
  • Book: Mommy, Mama and Me by Leslea Newman
  • Book: My Two Moms and Me by Michael Joosten
  • Book: Love Makes a Family by Sophia Beer

In your open conversations with her, talk about why she has two moms. Without knowing what questions will arise, increasing her knowledge and understanding of your relationship may give her the words she needs. In language, a child will understand, explain about love (“People are like peanut butter and jelly, meant to be together”). Let her know that sometimes people might not understand because they’ve never seen it before, and sometimes people are unkind about things they don’t understand. Invite her to always bring their questions to you and to talk about how she’s feeling.

Some families have two parents of different races. Some only have one parent, while some are being raised by grandparents. Your daughter is different. Your daughter is special—she has two moms.  

 

 

Luanne Starr Rhoades, LCPC, LADC, CCS is a professional counselor and the Outpatient Therapy Director at Health Affiliates Maine.

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Ask the Experts: Parents Differ Over Dog

This article originally appeared in Macaroni Kid on October 21, 2020, by Luanne Starr Rhoades, LCPC, LADC, CCS; Health Affiliates Maine. 

Question:  My son is 11 and has some significant behavioral issues including outbursts of anger, aggression, and yelling. We have been working hard with him on coping skills when he feels angry and this has helped some. He has been asking for a dog for a couple of years now. My husband thinks it could be a good time to get one and have our son work toward a dog by showing good behavior. I’m on the fence. Though I think it could be a motivator, I worry he would digress after we got a dog. If I am honest, I also am a little wary that he could show aggression toward the dog. He does now with my husband and me. I would appreciate some advice.

Answer: Both you and your husband have made some good points. Under any circumstances, adding a pet to the home takes a family commitment of time, energy, money, and affection. This is a long-term commitment that can pay off in lots of shared joy. 

A dog could be very therapeutic for your son. Pets love and accept us, without judgment, unconditionally; they are reliable and loyal. Pets can teach children many great and valuable lessons. Your son can learn responsibility to provide for the dog’s needs of food, water, exercise, play, and grooming in turn for endless love and affection. Pets help a child experience caring for another, a lifelong lesson in empathy.   

Before any of this happens, however, you and your husband need to come together to work on communication and an agreement about behavioral expectations, rewards, and consequences, both for current behavior and for future behavior with the dog. A dog is not going to immediately solve the aggressive behaviors you are currently seeing. As you alluded to, some children can turn that aggression on a pet. This can be serious and needs professional attention if it occurs.

Anger, aggression, and yelling is concerning, and it is also concerning that he is acting out aggressively toward you. Finding the source of his anger and frustration is extremely important. As with the check engine light on the dashboard of your car, his behavior is signaling unmet needs or underlying emotions that he is having trouble expressing in healthy ways. I am glad that you are helping him with coping skills. Seeking counseling for your son can be another way to help him learn to express and deal with distress before it turns aggressive. A counselor can also help him talk about what might be making him angry and afraid (fear is often covered up by anger). Family counseling can also give you and your husband tools to help you help your son so he can grow up happy with his dog.

 

Luanne Starr Rhoades, LCPC, LADC, CCS is a professional counselor and the Outpatient Therapy Director at Health Affiliates Maine.

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BHH Provider Profile: Julie Potter, Family Peer Support Specialist

Q: Why do you do this work?
A: I do this work because I wish I had had someone who helped me when my child was young. It is hard to parent a child who struggles, it can be isolating. To have had someone who understood the types of things that I was going through would have been invaluable. As a parent of a child with special needs, I did not have a lot of natural supports, and I want to be able to fill this need for others.

Q: What can you bring to clients/families that is unique to you?
A: I can bring a different level of empathy because I have been there before. It’s one thing to give advice and connect someone with resources, but it’s another thing altogether to be able to connect based on shared experience. I can also give a behind the scenes look at services and options because I have accessed many of them myself.

“I can bring a different level of empathy because I have been there before.” – Julie P.

Q: What is one thing you want clients/families to know about your role?
A: My role is unique. I can do more to support and educate parents from a perspective of someone who has faced similar challenges. As a parent, the struggle continues even though my daughter is now over 18 years old.

Q: What are some examples of things you would do with a client/family during a typical meeting?
A: I am lucky to be able to do a wide variety of things in this role. For example, I spend a lot of time helping families prepare for meetings like IEPs or Family Team Meetings. I help families learn what to expect when interacting with the different systems like the courts, Child Protective Services, schools, and evaluations.

I role model parenting skills and can help talk parents through difficult situations. I also work with families to explore and encourage self-care. As caregivers, we are always thinking about what is best for those in our care and sometimes we forget to care for ourselves. I even practice self-care with clients by having a cup of tea and just talking.

Q: What is your favorite part about being in this role?
A: By far my favorite part is seeing those lightbulb moments. Those moments of growth when a person makes a new connection or sees a new truth. I love when a caregiver is able to see the impact of their behaviors and can successfully use their own behaviors and reactions to change the child’s behavior.

Q: If you could have any superpower, what would it be and why?
A: I am a bit of a sci-fi geek so I would love to be able to travel to other dimensions. It would be interesting to see and learn to understand a world in a different way.

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BHH Provider Profile: Deb Mason, Nurse Care Manager

Q: Why do you do this work?
A: I like that there is more of an overall wellness focus in this role and that treatment is focused on the whole person. I like that this program specifically looks at mental and physical health as intertwined because, as a nurse, I know that those two parts of us influence one another. Behind that is my passion for supporting those working through mental health needs. I enjoy teaching people and speaking to people in down-to-earth terms. Sometimes medical jargon gets overwhelming, and I like being the bridge that can help someone understand their medical needs.

Q: What can you bring to clients/families that is unique to your role?
A: We all have different life experiences and I can bring mine to the table. I have worked in medical and mental health settings, so I am able to work within both. I can help clients navigate the healthcare system in a way that supports their mental health growth.

“I feel like I’ve done my best work when a client can hang up the phone feeling
rejuvenated and ready to tackle their goals.” – Deb M.

Q: What is one thing you want clients/families to know about your role?
A: I am here to support them. I can be a resource at any stage of someone’s wellness journey. I can be an educator, a helper, or a sounding board. I follow the client’s lead and help them make wellness goals that make sense for them.

Q: What are some examples of things you would do with a client/family during a typical meeting?
A: There are many things that I can do to help. For example, I often talk with clients about their wellness goals and provide them with education to help them reach those goals. This might be talking about strategies for accessing activities to be more active or discussing small changes they can make to their daily routine to live a healthier lifestyle.

I can also help them understand what their doctors are saying. If a client is told they have a new diagnosis or need a procedure and they don’t know what it means, they can call me, and I can help explain it to them. I can’t diagnose or treat the client, but I can help them understand. I can also provide emotional support. For example, if someone is trying to quit smoking and is having a hard day, I want them to give me a call so we can talk through the craving.

Q: What is your favorite part about being in this role?
A: I love to communicate and interact with clients. I enjoy being a motivator and helping clients figure out how to meet their goals. I feel like I’ve done my best work when a client can hang up the phone feeling rejuvenated and ready to tackle their goals.

Q: If you could have any superpower, what would it be and why?
A: I would have a magic wand that could take away all of people’s worries and could fix everything. In this field, we always want to be able to help and a magic wand would come in handy. It would also be great to be able to do the dishes with one quick swish of a wand!

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BHH Provider Profile: Carly Mahaffey, Adult Peer Support Specialist

Q: Why do you do this work?
A: I like doing peer support and I’m good at it. I like that you can just connect with people as people and you don’t have to worry about a lot of paperwork or be constantly assessing the person.

Q: What can you bring to clients/families that is unique to you?
A: I can help clients by coming at them from the perspective of someone who has had my own personal experience as a client receiving services. I can connect with a person because I know a little bit about what it’s like to be in their shoes and can share my own experiences with them.

“I am non-judgmental. To me, we are just two people getting to know and support each other.”– Carly M.

Q: What is one thing you want clients/families to know about you?
A: I am non-judgmental. I look at every new person as a clean slate. I don’t know anything about them, and they don’t know anything about me. To me, we are just two people getting to know and support each other.

Q: What is one thing you want clients/families to know about your role?
A: I am not a clinical provider. I can connect with you as you are and have no clinical agenda. I can meet you where you are and walk you through the work you will do in services.

Q: What are some examples of things you would do with a client/family during a typical meeting?
A: What I do with a client varies based on what the client and I decide we want to do. Sometimes I will meet with a client somewhere like a park or coffee shop and we just talk. Other times I might do an activity with them in the community that we both enjoy like a walk or visiting a new place.

Q: What is your favorite part about being in this role?
A: I like being able to meet people where they are and help them feel supported. I like making clients feel like they are not alone. I like meeting new people and getting to know them and their stories.

Q: If you could have any superpower, what would it be and why?
A: The power to fix problems at the source. Figuring out what is happening and why can be hard and life would be so much easier if we could just know where it comes from.

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How Does Having Gratitude Affect my Wellbeing?

We hear a lot about gratitude and its effects but what does it really mean and how can it help us? Gratitude is showing appreciation for what we have and the goodness in our lives. It’s giving thanks on a substantial level—it’s not superficial. An old French proverb claims that “gratitude is the heart’s memory.” By recognizing what we’re grateful for we can move forward in life with renewed spirit, optimism, and a higher quality of life. 

What are some benefits of gratitude?

Improved mood: those who focus on positive things tend to be happier overall. Surround yourself with like-minded people for a contagious gratitude side effect. It’s a win-win!  

Increased optimism: when we are happier, we also have a more positive outlook on life for ourselves and our loved ones. With a positive outlook, we’re more encouraged to take (healthy) risks and pursue our dreams.

Enhanced social bonds:when we show our appreciation for close friends and family, it not only makes them feel cherished, it reminds us of the connections we have in our lives.

Improved physical health: typically, when we’re happier and more positive about our lives, we take better care of our physical health. Exercise and eating healthier result in better sleep, more energy, decreased blood pressure, and a healthier immune system.

Connects us to a higher power: When we recognize that the source of gratitude goodness comes from outside of ourselves, it helps to connect us to other people, nature, and a higher power.

Elevates empathy: when we’re more gracious and practice showing thanks, it increases our sensitivity to others and motivates us to naturally support one another.

Better self-esteem: when we change our perspective and see the good in life, it can reduce our need for social comparisons. In today’s culture, this is highly beneficial for our wellbeing. 

Increased mental strength: studies show that gratitude can help us overcome trauma, grief and anxiety and can increase our resilience in tough situations.

Better mental health: showing gratitude can help to reduce toxic emotions like anger, resentment or jealousy. We feel more inclined to take care of ourselves by going to check-ups and attending therapy when needed. 

How can I show gratitude?

There are many ways to show appreciation in your life. For instance, we can show gratitude by reliving joyful past memories, appreciating the present and not taking it for granted, and by maintaining a hopeful attitude when looking towards our future. Here are a few approaches to try:  

·       Every day write down something that went well and why.

·       Take breathing breaks and envision something positive.

·       Create a new family ritual by explaining how gratitude makes you feel.

·       Give out genuine compliments—even if you don’t know the person.

·       Volunteer in your community.

·       Perform random acts of kindness.

·       Shift your perspective. Recognize how much you’ve grown in your life. 

·       Slow down and try to be more present.

·       Notice things and relish in the small (and big) things that bring you joy. 

 

With an unstable and stressful year nearly behind us and the holiday season approaching, it’s important now more than ever to adopt a gratitude practice into your life. Remember that it’s okay and normal to not feel grateful all the time. But when those feelings do arise, amplify your optimistic outlook and appreciation of others, and help cultivate a community of gracious, grateful people.

Sources: nationwidechildrens.org, health.harvard.edu, psyhcologytoday.com, livescience.com

 

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Ask the Experts: Help Needed for Grandparent Connection During COVID 19

This article originally appeared in Macaroni Kid on October 21, 2020, by Luanne Starr Rhoades, LCPC, LADC, CCS; Health Affiliates Maine 

Question:  My parents live nearby but we have not seen them much in the previous months because of COVID and my dad having significant risk factors. We have had a few outdoor, socially-distant gatherings but with winter coming, that will be hard. I know my parents are upset not seeing the kids as much. My mom told me recently she feels like she is depressed. I feel guilty. Do you have ideas to keep the connection strong in a safe way?

Answer: I wish I had an easy answer. This is a dilemma that has impacted so many, in so many ways. Before giving any thoughts on the subject, I remind everyone to follow CDC guidelines for mask-wearing (yes, around the grandparents), social distancing (six or more feet apart) and handwashing and using hand sanitizer often. As the cold weather approaches and the time when families gather for the holidays, we must be extra vigilant. Recent surges across the country have been attributed to people gathering again in the home and being more relaxed about the virus.

We all have to get creative. My family has had to get creative for this same reason. Our visits are shorter and may get even shorter as the cold and darkness descend on us. We visit in the outdoors around a fire pit for about 2 hours once a week. Our chairs are six feet apart. Parents are in charge of watching if the little ones get too close to grandparents, and gently reminding grandparents when they don’t resist the impulse to snuggle and hug. My family has also driven to a park to meet at a halfway point to see other dear ones who live miles away. We try to be outside as much as possible. Taking walks, visiting a garden, and reading stories all can be outside activities, and soon sledding and snowman-making will be in the mix. 

The cold weather season may mean rethinking cold-weather gear, just to be able to spend more time together. Dressing in layers can extend the time together.

It is difficult for your mom. Isolation and loneliness can really contribute to feelings of depression. The dark months of winter can be a problem under normal circumstances for many people, especially older adults. When the separation caused by the pandemic is added to the mix, it can become very serious for some. Your children are a major joy for her. If there are ways you can help her remain engaged, it will help her mood. Throughout the fall and winter, try to ramp up the engagement and involvement with the grandparents in any safe activity. If you notice increasing depression, substance abuse and/or overall withdrawal from activities they once enjoyed in your mom or other older adults for whom you care, help them get connected to their physician for an exam. The requirements of the pandemic are not your fault, don’t take on guilt. Just do the best you can under extraordinary circumstances. Allow time for your mom to talk and recognize the feelings she is expressing. She will feel better just being heard.

Here are some helpful ideas and suggestions for you and your children:

  • Video chats with guessing games, jokes, and stories both from her and from your children can keep them connected.  
  • Letter writing is a way of connecting, as well as sending hand-drawn pictures back and forth. I know one grandmother that draws a bird and sends it to her grandson, then they learn about the bird together. The next time, the grandson draws a bird and sends it off to his grandmother.
  • Holiday fun: Have an outdoor family Halloween parade. Grandparents can dress up too and provide some warm cider and cookies. Looking at the neighborhood lights together during the Christmas and Hanukkah season can be done together using separate cars and speakerphones so everyone enjoys the experience of it together. It’s all about memory-making, pandemic or not!
  • Another holiday idea is to have grandparents watching the assembling of gingerbread houses. Having an activity going on allows children to become comfortable with the online presence of their grandparents.
  • There are easy recipes online that you can use to make handmade ornaments of the kids’ handprints.
  • Grandparents can be online watching the assembly of a craft they furnished.
  • Car picnics or visits with cars parked side-by-side—windows open with heat ramped up!  
  • Grandparents can get a kick out of watching a little one get absorbed in a storybook being read by a parent. Be sure to set the screen so that expressions can be seen. 
  • Daily short video chats can become a normal part of life. Each child has a different attention span so enjoy brief chats more often.
  • If grandparents are close, have the child participate in baking and dropping off cookies.
  • In the same vein, grandparents can assist parents by cooking one meal and dropping it off.  
  • A daily chess match or crossword puzzle between grandparents and older children can be fun. Using Zoom, they can play Pictionary, Scattergories, Mad Libs, and other games.  
  • Send your parents pictures as often as possible. This keeps them aware of what the kids are doing and communicates to them that you are thinking about them. It is a bit more costly, but if possible, give a gift of a digital picture frame that shuffles through multiple pictures which you load on. This way they can see your children going about their daily lives. Very fun!
  • If it is in their nature, ask the grandparent to sing a bedtime lullaby to a smaller child. Sometimes there are special good night songs in families.

We all are eagerly awaiting normal times. We are learning a lot about how important connection can be. I wish you the best in helping your parents during this time.

Luanne Starr Rhoades, LCPC, LADC, CCS is a professional counselor and the Outpatient Therapy Director at Health Affiliates Maine.

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Ask the Experts: School Challenges Mom and Kids

This article originally appeared in Macaroni Kid on September 16, 2020, by Luanne Starr Rhoades, LCPC, LADC, CCS; Health Affiliates Maine 

Question: My kids suffered greatly when their schools went remote last spring due to COVID-19. I am trying hard to prepare as best I can for a potentially rocky school year. What are the best ways to prep for that now for both me and my kids? They are 9 and 16. 

Answer: By now you probably know your kids’ school schedules, but we can talk about how you and your children can cope with change and uncertainty, which is a constant part of life and so very important now. At this point, we do not know if school will be successful with the new models or if more change will happen again.

The whole school situation is very difficult and complicated. Everyone involved has great concerns for safety while at the same time everyone wants what is best for the kids. We are all needing to adopt a very flexible outlook and parents need to present the attitude of “we can do this!”  

Resilience will be key. Resilience is a term for describing the ability to overcome adversity and challenge. It is about bouncing back. Imagine pushing a beach ball under the water. It can momentarily be overcome by the water and disappear from plain view only to launch itself right out of the water pushing against the challenge to come out on top. This image is something your 9 and 16-year-olds can visualize. This pandemic may make disruptions and changes in their lives, but they can end up on top and have a story to tell.

Though kids are known for being resilient, they do not have a long list of experiences from which to draw only remembering school a certain way. It is helpful to remind them of when they overcame other difficult times like a pet dying, a friend moving away, passing a difficult exam, or trying out for a team. They can learn to draw on other experiences to help them now. Whether there was disappointment, sadness, or success, they managed. Things may have returned to normal or they adjusted and went on to have other adventures and challenges. 

Some pandemic examples of resilience are:

  • Restaurants that managed to keep going, by offering outdoor dining and take out.
  • Graduates who managed to celebrate their graduations with socially-distant drive-by celebrations including yard signs and online parties.
  • Game nights and hiking as a family drawing everyone together.
  • People who starting cooking more, trying new recipes, canning vegetables, and organizing their drawers.
  • Kids who have discovered ways to help others by fundraising for a cause.

Things that will help both you and them as you get back to the school routine (as un-routine as it may seem) are:

  • Take time together to talk about how the day went, specifically asking about the masks, the social distance, online challenges, how they are connecting with friends and taking time together to problem-solve issues and celebrate successes.
  • Make a practice of regularly reaching out to others in the same situation for support and ideas. 
  • Remind yourself and each other to take one day at a time. This means watching when the things causing worries are out of your control and changing the focus to the here and now avoiding “what ifs.”
  • Review the expectations of each class and teacher regularly.
  • Keep the teachers informed of difficulties and confusion.
  • Take time to play outside as often as possible. Laughter lightens every load.

With your involvement, encouragement, and positive attitude your kids will not feel as overwhelmed and you will all get through it together.

For some, resilience is not easy. Children who struggle with school and relationships or have a history of trauma could experience additional challenges during these trying times. The isolation and uncertainty can be distressing. Children with mental illnesses might also struggle more than usual. It is very important to assist them in connecting with a counselor, case manager, or physician. These types of professionals may make an important difference in how these children and parents cope. I wish you and your family a positive and successful school year!

 

 

Luanne Starr Rhoades, LCPC, LADC, CCS is a professional counselor and the Outpatient Therapy Director at Health Affiliates Maine.

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Posted on by Author Hanna Gilleyin Categories Macaroni Kid, Q+A

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